I wish I could simply…run away like you. To close my eyes and ears to all my problems…to shut myself in…and be alone. But it’s more complicated than that.
Unlike you, I have more than just myself…depending on me. More than just myself..to feed, bathe, clothe, house, teach, meet needs…keep alive.
I can’t give up entirely….I can try. But, unlike you…there is no escape. There is no place to run..where I am taken care of. Where all my needs will be met: no bills, no other people to worry about, no responsibilities …no real real worries…well only the ones I pick and choose…
You see I can’t run..like you. I can’t give up like you. I can’t only care for myself like you. I can’t just run to the gym, park, bar or other place..to escape…relieve the stress…pain…ache…fear..like you.
I can’t lock myself away from everyone until all is well and I am able to handle it..like you.
I can try and quit..hide…give up..but I ultimately can’t..and you’ll never understand…need. Your needs are always met. You can quit..and your needs will still be met. You can hide until you want to be found. You can be angry..and no one needs to care…cuz no little minds are at stake. You are your own concern…you have no real need…you have no idea.
Maybe that’s why you are so incomplete also though? Because it is only you…and you can just easily be someone else’s worry…when you don’t want to worry about your own cares. You can stop..for a few. A breather…the weight can be placed… else where.
It ain’t so with me. I can place the weight here or there..and weigh down others..I do..and I have. Guilty. But, I can’t ever misplace the weight..leave it…. It’s always still with me.
If I run..I’m neglectful.
If I quit..I lose it all.
If I let my bad side out..I am an influencer…whether I want to be or not.
I can’t fly away. I can’t hide away. I can’t really run(maybe crawl)…..I don’t have that option…all goes to Hell if I do.