So last year sometime, I began practicing contemplative prayer and allowing Jesus to speak to me. Primarily through pictures and images. And ever since then, most of the time, these “scenes” center around a home. A home where Jesus and I live. And this home is what my idea of a safe, cozy place would consist of. Most scenes happen in the kitchen at a big table. Jesus always is sitting in a particular chair and I usually have my own spot too.
I am going to retrieve an email I sent a few people explaining my first “encounter” with Jesus at this home; just to give some relevance and a beginning to it all:
“I just had an amazing experience and I wanted to share it with someone. I was having a moment of study/prayer. And as I was praying, Jesus opened the door to a home. It was cabin like. Warm and cozy. And there was a big wood table in the center. And when I came in Jesus locked the door. And to me it meant I don’t have to leave. It was like symbolic of safety, of Him saying I’m here to stay. And there was a whole bunch of food in the fridge, and He cooked for me. And the impression was, He always cooks for me. And there was a vault full of money haha. As in He is provider. And the best part…and I’m still sobbing. I have not sobbed loudly like this in a long time. The best part, is me and Him sat at his table together. In this home, just me and him. To me that means I’m important as an individual. He loves quality time..He makes time just for me. And He listened to me. The whole time, He just listened to me. And He looked like He wanted to listen, He was enjoying listening. It was amazing. I just needed to share it. Please continue to pray for me and my new revelation of Christ. It is so so so very freeing..on so many levels. But, at times I still struggle with believing…like it’s all to good to be true. A part of me is still afraid/hesitant about embracing this good God..thanks for always listening! ” (End of email. )
So, I go to this home where Jesus is and I just bring Him the baby. He’s crying and I am anxious. He takes Him and takes care of him, while I am also taken care of and understood; regardless of my anxiety and feeling like a failure, a wreck, unstable…a mess.
You see, most my life my emotional and mental issues have always been shamed by those I loved. When I was in pain and experiencing these uncontrollable negative feelings; they were not acknowledged properly. They were mocked, I was deemed screwed up… and I was left feeling and believing something was inherently wrong with me.
But Jesus did not act so. He was OK with me. Frustration, anger, rage and all. He seen it differently. He still seen me. Not the emotions or reactions caused by them. He allowed me to have them. He allowed me to also be OK with them. And thats all it took surprisingly: Him not labeling me accusing me, or making me feel like I could control them..and just was not choosing to do so. He just let me be.
He accepted me. He did not even mention or acknowledge the emotions at that. He just acknowledged me. And in the scene and also in the physical..all became calm and still. I was able to handle my anxiety and my baby…
Now back to when I started coming to this home where Jesus was:
It was a while after the first, but the few next times Jesus was always at the door waiting for me. Holding it open and letting me in. And these were more brief moments of prayer. Nothing too descriptive. I just came to Him with whatever I needed to get off my chest, mind, and heart for the moment. And He always made me feel at home. Indeed, it is home. My home. Our home. I think I might have mentioned in my first encounter above, that there is a cozy back bedroom for me?
Then, after these few times of Jesus waiting at the door; the times thereafter He has not been at the door. But, I just help myself! (Haha. I smile inside). I am just so comfortable with Jesus there, knowing that is home..that now I just go right in. With my burden, with my pain. Sometimes I just cry and lay my head on the table and His presence is enough. Other times I have a lot to say. He always listens. I always feel welcome. Safe. Content.
Maybe I should start going there when I am in a good mood now that I think about it, Hahahaha! I’ll let you know!
Anyway, I bring this up because it has been so life changing for me and my relationship with Christ. Revolutionary!! And maybe you should try it!
I don’t think one should expect their vision or scenes to look exactly like mine. Jesus is so beautifully personal to us. I believe this house and the way it looks, feels, where things are placed, and all of it..are lovingly prepared just for me. And I know He intends to do the same with you. I just would not want anyone to miss out on such an awesome way of encountering Him. It has been healing and liberating.
So much of our prayer lives have been centered around specific ways of coming to Him. Much of them consisting of us speaking or thinking, and not giving Him that opportunity or time.
I have learned He can say SO MUCH..with so little. He can re-oreint our thinking(repent) and visionof Him, ourselves, the world..His love; really whatever we need transformed in us…more than we imagine!
Oh! Speaking of that..this post all started because in prayer this morning, I was again “at home.” Jesus and I were at that table and so far it’s just been me and Him. So I had asked Him who should we invite?
It’s just up to them to come I guess.