I’m so tired, I have no energy.
I’m so drained from lack of good sleep, yet my running mind won’t allow it..sleep.
Even the prescribed meds fail me. For the most part. They have offered some help..better than I was.
My thyroid is all out of whack again. This makes me feel constantly sickly.
So lack of sleep and my thyroid have me unable to find energy to keep up..
Then the stress of unpaid everything, keeping up with everything, is another type of exhaustion of it’s own.
I go I go I go. In mind and body…
I now have a sorrow and depression that I cannot shake…which is either caused by lack of sleep and all the stress, or all the extra shit exaggerates the pain.
I have not felt this consistently low since I first had my youngest..and before then..it had been years…
I’ve always had lows…they were just much more manageable.
I kind of have come to this place..in mind and body, where I just can’t go anymore. Think or do. I am this worn out.
I just kind of have curled up in a metaphorical ball on my bed, closed the door, cried myself to the sleep I cannot find in the physical, and died to it all…..
My memory is also all fucking up. Another symptom of my hypothyroidism..but not a good enough excuse for those who don’t get it.
I am ready to officially let go. Die to it all. To not care. To go numb..silent.. Be stilled..and let the thickets and weeds grow up around me…hide me..cover me…give me some type of rest….by no longer caring….about any of it….
No not physical death..just a coping type of death…