Considering My Ailments lol

I can’t really put into words what anxiety and depression(whatever really inflicts me) are like.

Torment is close.

An agitation deep within..like being poked with a pointy finger over and over again…but beneath your chest..where ones emotions rest…

Or a pingpong ball pinging rapidly throughout me. Bouncing off one side, to the next..this way and that.

A tension. So strong, it feels tangent.

A deep weight..like sorrow. A dark shadow..strongest at my center..my heart..but radiating throughout my entire body.

Anger

But anger..that is similar to deep emotional pain. Anger for no damn good reason. It seems to be like an intense, extreme feeling of agitation or irritability..nervousness..but like 100× as strong…and it’s kind of constant when you feel it.

Not just a thing that comes and goes due to external factors.. It’s moodlike.

An energy you can’t seem to rid yourself of easily….it has no reason or rhyme..

It sucks because you never have asked for it. Or done anything you are aware of, to cause it.

It just is in you.. like an inherent.

Part of you.

Genetics they say.

Life’s shit from when one was small?..Hell idk. They have a million and one reasons…

I just know it’s nothing you desire or want. It is a horror to bear.

The things that have helped though :

Deep encounters with God.

Praying in the Spirit and crying and snotting and wrestling with all my emotions and thoughts..there with Him.

Silence, stillness, solitude

Mediation/Contemplative prayer

Nature

Exercise

Crying

Momentary numbing (self-medicating)…but not recommended, unless it keeps you from doing crazy shit.

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