I’ve come along way from where I was, and I’m still very much undone. One of the many lessons I’ve been experiencing over the last few years, is the principle of sowing and reaping, or what some call karma. And I have found it very much alive and well!
The unexpected thing I’ve found though, is how it has sprung more from my thought and attidude life, more than anything else.
Not that actions don’t have their own repercussions, they do; but my attitude, mindset, and what was/is in my heart, has reproduced in my life more than anything.
I have become the very people I most condemned. I have experienced the many things I was critical of in others, and I have lost the things I took so much personal pride in:
I was very proud of my celibacy. To the point I boasted in ways, and looked down upon those less self-controlled.
…I ended up getting lost in my own loneliness, meeting someone, becoming sexually active again, and pregnant.
I use to gloat in having my teenage son practically raised. I took pride in the freedom I had. I compared myself to friends still stuck in the hard stages of parenting. I had a very “I feel sorry for them” attitude. Embarrassed for any parents of a wild-child..
Guess what..my child is wild! Can’t take him out to much in public kind of nuts! 😂😕😳
I was super tidy. Probably provoked by anxiety or ADD lbs; things had to be neat and clean. I in some ways could not comprehend how other’s homes could be so difficult to keep up with.
Now I get it! My couch has to have some sort of toddler snot, pee and probably poop too..somewhere on it! My bed too! (Not that I don’t clean them…but just saying….put diapers back on ASAP!)
I have a family member I was harsh on for not picking themselves up by their own bootstraps and being more helpful, giving, and hard working. Now I am going through a very similar situation. I am paralyzed by life’s weight.
And get this! I have to ask the very person I critisized, for help. Now they are up, and I am down.
I was super religious. I demonized many people due to their particular spiritual beliefs or lack there of. I thought I had the answer they needed, be it what I knew, practiced, or experienced, to help them find the light.
Now many of these very same people are the ones that have proven to be more Christ-like to me: Loving deeper and stronger, exhibiting more patience, self-sacrifice, etc.
I was very proud of my religious affiliations. Believing that I had been blessed enough to be born and raised in the good-ol’ USA; and thus so happening to inherit the one true belief necessary, to claim that I was REALLY saved.
Now how human and anti-god of any sort does that sound?
My tribe, my tongue, my nation? Smh.
Better than, I have all truth to be told.
No real good being done.
Thankfully, I began to become aware of the tangible peace, joy, kindess, and so forth that people of other religious backgrounds and cultures had.
I noticed these things and began to really question why? I was wrestling inside, because my beliefs had informed me all along..not the Spirit.
(Bonus you’re welcome😘: This is one thing common to American Christianity. Once we became bent on intellectualism brought about by the Great Enlightenment Era, we insisted on facts. Knowlege. Certainty. We began to idolize it.
Blind leading the blind, boasting in our wisdom..Our interpretations.
No longer walking by the Spirit..but our own ideas. *See my post about the Tree of Good and Evil.)
These are just small snippets. And to be honest, I was very sincere. I meant well. I wanted truth. I wanted to know what God was like and who He was, regardless of whether I liked it or not.
I do believe this was the one true thing I can say I did have the right attitude about: a hunger for God, a continual pursuit, and willingness to be wrong and change my mind…which really is the literal definition of repentance(metinoia). Changing our minds or view of things, the world, people, God, etc. Reconsidering. Rethinking.
Check it out for yourself.
It is really an unending journey that produces more and more freedom! IF you submit to it. If you allow YOURSELF to be exposed. Your heart to be laid bare.
Over and over and over again…
Seeing yourself for who you are and what is being harbored in your heart. This to me, is the dying daily that Jesus spoke of.
This is resurrection.
Dying to self and being reborn..to new life. A new way of thinking, thus living.
And it all seems to center around love!
Loving others. Laying down yourself..for the other. And it is painful..especially to the ego! It is our pride that resists more than anything…
This is the end of the vicious cycle of Karma, in my experience at least.
You start seeing the cycle reproduced in your life.
And the only way to escape is to plant good seeds…drown the ugly out with love..in thought, word and deed.