You’re religion taught me God is a monster; you gave me the law and the prophets and walked me not through the Gospels.
Your example was that He surely does abandon, He is not as tolerant for my sobbing, and He can’t handle my pain…I am the problem… and it was up to me alone to solve it.
That He does not leave the 99 for the 1, and He’d rather hurry to service than to the misery found in the slums.
He likes the euphoria, of the experience of church services. But, forgets the poor, the widows and the orphans. They are a lot to defend, and He lost sight of the manger when He experienced the power of pulpit and tongue.
He does not go out to meet the helpless on the streets; and beggars on their knees who plead. He finds reasons and means to keep His distance..He keeps His resources to those in the temples seats.
You have to still have the right sacrifices; you must not be a nutcase naked in caves or a Mary Magdalene snotting and sobbing, looking like an emotional wreck at His feet hope lost profoundly.
You can’t be vulnerable, but be tidy… don’t make a peep. Don’t be too needy.
Don’t dare express your agony if it resembles anything like the sinners He associated with outside of church seats.
Don’t dare cry out like blind beggars or outcast leper’s on the streets.
And when I do look back, what I see…Biblically.. since you are so into that extreme..He is never as much preaching and gathering and sitting and singing, as He was real life living..away from the temple and with those most seen as the weakest and most pathetic of human beings.
Record, on repeat. Church still blind. Sinners eyes wide.