I'm honestly really tired. I am ready. I don't want to be living this anymore. Constant ache, constant pain. I can't keep up. I finally feel bold enough to be OK with the thought of non-existence. Esp when the whole of one's existence has been more torment of mind and emotions inside than anything else. … Continue reading Today
God all I can ask, is help me love again. Put it deep down in my heart, let it be real within. May your light expel the darkness in this soul..Light shine in. Jesus enter here...show me where love begins......
The things that happened to Jesus the Nazarene, who was a prophet mighty in deed and word before God and all the people, … we were hoping that he …Jesus on the road to Emmaus. The model of spiritual accompaniment.
God, I find it hard to believe you love me yet still...still through all my inconsistencies.... Not too many men, will love a man, through all of their inconsistencies...their many, many inconsistencies...................
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whome this "emotion" is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder, or stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. His eyes are closed. ~Albert Einstein
I love Greg Boyd: Apologies & Explanations | What About People Who Live Christlike Lives Who Know Nothing About Christ?, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-6m35v-87dd669
"The opposite of loving your neighbor is not always hating them, but just being indifferent to them." ~Jim Wallis
I love Reclaiming Jesus Now with Jim Wallis | What About Jesus?, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-mr57e-6e49c63
Like the blind beggers they want to silence me. They don't understand the desperation. The reason for wailing, for my lament. The hopeless can be so persistent it makes others think different...Jesus, should we shut them up!? They cry out to us, but Jesus' you don't need that stuff. They cry, they moan, like madmen..we … Continue reading Send Whom Lord?
You will never have the other, those unlike you...draw near, come close, feel welcomed; as long as you continue to treat them..unlike you. She replied, “That’s true, Lord, but even the dogs under the table are allowed to eat the scraps from the children’s plates.”Mark 7:28
"Everyone once to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.." Bishop Michael Curry.
America...Church..Our false certitudes...anything
I love The Way of Love with Bishop Michael Curry | Turning from Ego to Love with Richard Rohr, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-9fvq5-931512d
We can be sincere. Yet so sincerely wrong. Sigh. Sincerity, sincerity ..oh how you encourage and deceive me. You are an energy that I believe in..yet I don't always comprehend .... In sincerity I lift up and also crush. Help me see when my sincerity is, sincerely wrong....and help me to know what righteousness and … Continue reading Sincerity
If more than anything, Jesus was showing us how to commune with both God and fellow man. How to broaden our narrow horizons of self and affiliations..and BE love. He was showing us how to get out of our heads and into our hearts. How to live again. He emphasized the importance of relationships. Acceptance … Continue reading The Name of Jesus is an Action… not bound by language, interpretation, nor definition. No proper articulation, other than representation…
We (went ahead and) accepted membership(as the thing); but not discipleship. ~Tony Evans
I love Awaken2Now (See Thru Oppositional 2’s) | Releasing -Brisn Jett, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-pfpjy-dfeb2f
I love Turning to The Mystics with James Finley | Questions About the Practice, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-txbcu-8dace72
I love Ask NT Wright Anything | #37 Is the world doomed? Global justice and climate change, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-85k9z-dd33a9
Not all critique is meant to condemn or destroy; but is necessary for rebirth and reform. It's the sting of death that brings new life.
Not all that we call holy, is holy; and not all whom we call dogs, are dogs.
I love The Bible For Normal People | Episode 128: Matthias Henze - The Bible & Second Temple Judaism, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-dpnud-dc1fe3
Are we hearing; or is this just playing by the rules?
My Lord, My God, please take away this fear. I have no more to blame, no answers here. I’ve sought out my oppressors, the legends behind my questions I am bankrupt, in more ways than one. I have no fortune here. My life has been akin, to a weight upon ones heart. Heavy ache...I can’t … Continue reading Tonight
Clutter clutter, clear out the clutter All this stuff, does also drug ya Clutter clutter, I did not stutter Numb ya, dumb ya...clutter clutter Pointing at the next man..with the.... brown paper bag man You high, rocked to sleep, unaware of your own damn addictions.. puff puff drag drag Clutter clutter. Consume and It’ll make … Continue reading Clear Out..In and Out
No one's to blame. It's a cycle. A cycle of brokenness. Sin is it. The enemy to us. Not another. The way to conquer sin, is through love. The power of self-sacrificial, self-denying, all accepting, adopting, unrelenting, merciful love. Christ like love. Laying down myself for someone else. I can't change the world. At least … Continue reading Reincarnate it..or Put an End to it
We’ve been taught religion; but not the art of Christ like loving and living.
Most my adult life I've been asking, "where are you God"? Today, I felt like God was asking ME the same thing. Where am I? Am I running or hiding in my shame or guilt like Adam and Eve? Am I distracted by many things like Martha? Am I stuck in my head unable to … Continue reading Where are you God?
I love Wild Goose | Pete Enns & Jacqui Lewis, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-j8g5q-89c52af
I think a lot on it, I study, I gather info. I read about it, I listen and watch lectures, podcasts, vidoes and testimonials; but I rarely put it into practice: that which brings me freedom.
"....Daniele Bolelli once gave me a helpful metaphor. He explained that training was like sweeping the floor. Just because we’ve done it once, doesn’t mean the floor is clean forever. Every day the dust comes back. Every day we must sweep." ~Ryan Holiday, The Ego Is the Enemy
Oh the time wasted. Chasing certainty, understanding, a belief. Debating, accumulating knowledge to confirm what I had been TOLD and TAUGHT. Study study Jesus the subject Yet nothing was done..not much.. that resembled His teaching. I was fulfilled Yet others left lacking It was about my getting it right...while those precious lives and hearts all … Continue reading Today
Sometimes I hope you would just...cry upon my shoulder. It's perfectly normal to need someone to hold ya. Freedom rings... Sweet symphonies When you let go of what's holding ya... Fear, pride, trauma, lies... Be human..cry For it is death that brings life.
This is life, it's complicated. We're all complicated. Give a little mercy.
"A mark of spiritual growth is when we stop polishing the mask and instead start working on our character." Christopher L. Heuertz, Richard Rohr Start reading this book for free: https://a.co/dwn9uW3
Richard Rohr - “Every unrealistic expectation is a resentment waiting to happen.”
I love Language of God | Peter Enns | God is Not a Helicopter Parent, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-dbxdr-b11b0c
I love The Next Right Thing | 32: Stop Collecting Gurus, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-f4mk8-3da17cb
I love Turning to The Mystics with James Finley | Instructions for The Practice, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-6s2as-80e1cc5
Why would I not want us to be anything, but one? Unified? Just remember, ...you can come as close as you want to. You choose. Freedom has always awaited you, I've been calling, beckoning you, I am life, I renew. Fear is the thing you hold on to... Bondage, torment, it holds you like darkness. … Continue reading Contemplation Now.
I was having a moment of self pity yesterday; as I tried to get the house clean while my toddler demolished it all right behind me again.. What was just set right..thrown unsympathetically into disarray again. Nothing new right? And as I got lost in that moment;that "whoa is me and my mundane life!"...the never … Continue reading Today
For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. Colossians 1:19-20 ESV https://bible.com/bible/59/col.1.19-20.ESV
Words thus thoughts, are all man-made. Concepts, concrete, solid shades Seek to be Spirit filled, led and bathed For from the soul, the path is paved Energy of love, of hope, of peace Real realities are felt, not seen. Breathed, exhaled experienced..unachieved. Eternal beings, on dusty feet. Walk in Spirit and in Truth; and From … Continue reading Meditation, Prayer, Seeking God. Where is He?
Western society has defined faith and belief in God as a cognitive thing. I way of thinking. A certainty of knowing...comprehending..explaining .. We must control it, have to "get it", are afraid to have it wrong, but quite certain we all have it right. What if faith though, is to be seen as what we … Continue reading Today..
I want to do better, I want to do right. But what is better, but progression and what is right, but perfection? The journey is the lesson. Looking back in retrospection. Self reflection of my transgressions...only fear and folly in introspection. Resurrection Resurrection Lift me above, free me from..self induced insomnia... Rest Rest Rest and … Continue reading Today
I don't understand what I'm doing Lord, and I'm sorry. I don't quite get these convictions, more like inflictions....and I am sorry. I respond accordingly, to the burn beneath and I am left wondering what it all could mean... If this is not you Oh My God, then remove if far from me! But it … Continue reading Today..
My son is in the other room ready for my attention as I clean the toilet. Another day, another, duty, another innate object of my affection While my son longs for me.. The parable of Martha and Mary is brought to mind. How often we relate of course Martha with ourselves, and Jesus...well with Jesus. … Continue reading
Not a word, not a peep Let the quite speak for me. Not a ruffled feather, talk is cheap. Only stillness, only peace, only what the world really deeply needs.
Old lady, why don't you like me? Is it cuz I'm still young and flashy? Because I got more years ahead and less behind me? Why do you mind me? Is it your own loss of youth that reminds you? I've done nothing to provoke you, what is it that bugs and bites you? Old … Continue reading Time
Just My Ponderings. If He is not invited into and sought for in the mundane, then where is He really a part of ones life?
Wisdom is being able to separate the essentials from the non-essentials~Richard Rohr
Lord I say I want to know you, but I refuse to let you speak. I don’t silence the voices of the world as often as I feel are necessary to hear your voice. I run to this and to that. Many things done in your name. I turn to. Many voices that say they … Continue reading Listening?
I have to start finding the good in people first. Highlight only the best.
I'll tell you what, these last few years have been rough. I wrestle even with myself. I feel EXTREMELY conflicted inside about who I am? The anger, rage, pain, irritability, my thoughts, words, actions. I feel like two people. Reminds me a lot of how Paul questioned himself. How he seen a part of himself … Continue reading This Little Light of Mine 🤷
All too often we approach our prayers as ways in which we can get God working on our side. But the visible church is a check against that. Forgiveness is the turning point in prayer, the transition from seeking our own way from God to yielding our lives to him so that he may perform … Continue reading Good Word for Me Today 💆🏻♀️
Silence, stillness, and solitude have been crucial to my growth, and my mental, emotional and spiritual life. I think the lack there of, has been very detrimental to me over the last few years. As easy as it may seem to be able to find that day to day, it has not been so for … Continue reading Release.
Love is patient, am I?
Some times have been dark. Times when I'd rather let go, give in, and relent. Then there are these moments, these so captivating, more than earthly heart felt experiences...that make me want to stay a while, breathe it all in, and live again. These are my kids...💓✊🤞
I’m afraid that this illness is all that I am. Everyone likes to remind me that I’m more than my illnesses. But this struggle is my every day – if I’m not drowning in a depressive episode, I’m fighting hard to keep my head above water and my life intact. There isn’t a single moment … Continue reading Exerpt by Sam Dylan Finch: See previous post for more of his awesome work.
The first time I told someone that I was mentally ill, they reacted with disbelief.
“You?” they asked. “You don’t seem that sick to me. Be careful not to play the victim.”
The second time I told someone that I was mentally ill, they invalidated me.
“We all get depressed sometimes,” they replied. “You just have to power through it.”
Countless times, I’ve been made to feel like my mental illness is my fault. I wasn’t trying hard enough, I needed to change my perspective, I wasn’t looking at all of my options, I was exaggerating how much pain I was in, I was only looking for sympathy.
If I wasn’t mentally well, they implied, it was obviously an issue with me that had nothing to do with the systems that fail mentally ill people each and every day. My “failure” to live a functional and happy life had nothing…
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Mama said it took the edge off So I went and got a bottle, poured a glass and partook until the pain within my head was quieted, and the days looked brighter up ahead. Mama was right..as she had said.
I’m a mental health writer and advocate, and a suicide attempt survivor. I’ve told people on this blog many times, “Keep reaching out.” I’ve written multiple articles preaching the importance of vulnerability, defying stigma, and owning your struggles.
This is my whole thing, okay? This is what I do.
So when one of my closest friends died by suicide a few weeks ago, I wasn’t just shocked — I was completely gutted.
I thought there was never a question of whether or not my loved ones could reach out to me. But the very person who I’d talked to so often about mental health… didn’t call me.
Not even to say goodbye.
The last night I spent with them.
In the weeks following their suicide, my grief took me to dark places. I soon began having my own suicidal thoughts. And even then, when it was my turn to…
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Tired of trying Of fighting this Torment Can't win Get up..only to cave all over and over again Decent Within The war wages and I give in Death sets in Sin Sin Can't explain it Can't define it Definitely can't deny it Sickness Powerless Relent Full of Shit Septic
People will be more impressed by the depth of your conviction than the height of your logic. ~GLIB
"My goal is not to be liked, but understood."~Sterling K. Brown
Oh you busy minded, out here fighting yourselves and each other for self assumed rightness..control of that narrow gate, hungry for certainties, knowledge of.. wake up humanity!! Don't debate anymore, but follow Me. How hard is it to just believe..that LOVE IS the fulfilling of that law you seek so worldly like..to hold tight..fight for … Continue reading LOVE IS
"People who gather together to live the presence of Jesus among people in distress are therefore called not just to do things for them, or to see them as objects of charity, but rather to receive them as a source of life and of communion." (p.95) "The cry for love and communion and for recognition … Continue reading Jean Vanier-Community and Growth.
Oh shit, I'm here again. Where I wait all day for sleep to begin, because that's the only time the misery ends.
What do I do when I feel like I connect with no one within the subculture I am told I should be a part of? Do I remain? A stranger? Or can I spread my wings and freely fly away and live amongst others who want me to stay?
God what do you think of me now? When I'm letting go and crazy, giving up and angry? Bitter, resentful, crying out, complaining? What do you see in me? When I'm feeling selfish and don't give a shit, about what I say and who's offended by it. I'm tired of trying. Of being holy and … Continue reading An Unfinished Thought.. I found in drafts
I love Awaken2Now (See Thru Oppositional 2’s) | 8 Hr Anthony de Mello Audiobook on Awareness and Seeing, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-gjbm5-aaede1
I've come to see that in my walk with God, I've consumed a lot in the name of pursuit, but digested little in the name of knowing.
I love Another Name For Every Thing with Richard Rohr | Healing Division In A World That Others, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-z2v47-c18631
To me, social media means neglecting and missing out on all things meaningful and valuable, In exchange for all things superficial and empty. Those people and moments I neglect, For strangers and white washed tall tales of happiness. My children looking to me for acceptance and approval, While I scroll for the world's...👍
I'm thinking that God and spiritual life are not to be explained, but pursued. Too many explanations exist. We can get so lost trying to explain our own ideas to others, we neglect our own pursuit and also possibly hinder another's. God is big enough. However one may describe Him, He is much bigger than … Continue reading 9-30-2019
I have grown and learned more from struggle, than anything else in life. This is the paradox of suffering and want. It has made me more humane. It has forged within me more compassion and gratefulness, than any fine thing. It has opened my eyes to what really matters, and what things are just not … Continue reading Me on a Thinking Tangent: Nothing New.
I want to be more than just a body..a hot topic I want to be free from all the drama..external problems..they be robbing Chasing after beauty....an un-ending journey..that only keeps you thirsty...no fountain of youth..you keep searching...to reclaim your worthy-ness Just like all the rest...anxious quest for better-thans Fabricated mannequins...dressed to impress or undressed..less they … Continue reading Ladies Ladies Ladies..and Guys too.
I've come along way from where I was, and I'm still very much undone. One of the many lessons I've been experiencing over the last few years, is the principle of sowing and reaping, or what some call karma. And I have found it very much alive and well! The unexpected thing I've found though, … Continue reading Karma Sowing Seed
If I wanted all of that..best believe I'd make it happen If I needed that ...cash is what I'd be after You see it's not poverty or depravity that has a hold on me But I'm after something that transcends all that's relevant to these earthly chics I need a little more depth to my … Continue reading Just a Little Late Night Rhyming ( My feelings on keeping up with the Janes and Jones)
At times..a lot of times..I feel guilty for not being able to handle this...all of it. Someone must have told me I was suppose to be more than able to manage it..cope with this Single handedly have the advantage over all of this..in control of it I was told that I got this, then left … Continue reading
Where do I begin? I wish there was a place to rest..a place to rest until all this was over with... That the storm would clear it all away..and leave me afresh... Chaos I can't get up Chaos I can't see I can't hear... Take all the time you need...shhhh..hush.....rest. Mountains I can't climb them … Continue reading …..
I can't really put into words what anxiety and depression(whatever really inflicts me) are like. Torment is close. An agitation deep within..like being poked with a pointy finger over and over again...but beneath your chest..where ones emotions rest... Or a pingpong ball pinging rapidly throughout me. Bouncing off one side, to the next..this way and … Continue reading Considering My Ailments lol
God give me a kind heart, cuz this world has gave me a hard heart. Make me what Thou art, cuz I've created a monster..trying to do my part. I thought I was able..qualified and faithful.. Wanted to prove to You and the people..I was solid...no problems.. But life tends to, knock knock knock you … Continue reading High Tides…Thinking in Writing
If there is one thing I can say with full conscience confidence.. Is that I have saught You diligently. Like the Hound Of Heaven in my own sense..I've been in pursuit of You.. I have been discouraged, but never forsaken. I've been mistaken, but You never have left me. I may have been blinded, but … Continue reading My God
Can I lose my mind for some time? What if I lost all self-control for a bit? What would you think of ya chic? If I decided to get real legit..100..per cent..I don't think they ready for this See they ain't neva considered this kind of sublime...it's so unlike...all they've ever witnessed.. Lost minds.. They … Continue reading High Times. Unconscious Rhyming
I want to measure your stature, from within...what things are in your heart? What do you see within others, when you look deep enough to even try to perceive what lays beneath? I no longer want to stay focused on what only my eyes can see...I want to adjust my vision so that it can … Continue reading My Time Capsule: 9-19-2013
I'm so tired, I have no energy. I'm so drained from lack of good sleep, yet my running mind won't allow it..sleep. Even the prescribed meds fail me. For the most part. They have offered some help..better than I was. My thyroid is all out of whack again. This makes me feel constantly sickly. So … Continue reading Just My Thoughts
I don't understand how people think that those with depression are suppose to just be OK? Just pull themselves up and out of it, as if it's simple. As if it's brought on by self. I wish I could pop a magic pill, say a certain prayer and I would be your kind of "normal." … Continue reading ……
I'm so tired of all these voices(nouns), asking something of me. I have nothing to give, be gone from me. I go to seek rest..and you come looking for me. There is no where to hide, here you come expecting more from me. I attempt to muffle your cries, but there is no smothering thee. … Continue reading World: Asking Me..for More than I have to give.
Someone just suggested I listen to this guy. I have been doing my best to be more open minded and find truth in what is true for everyone...where we all have things resonate. It is crazy yet exciting, how much of what dude says covers many things I've already had come to heart/mind. Maybe check … Continue reading Nothing is Coincidence.
One thing I've learned about the establishment of organised religion: they give up on you, way before you give up on them. You can reach out to them in various forms. But they give up on you, before you do them. You keep writing..they stop responding. You have made it known that you are in … Continue reading ….Awake