This is the kind of tired that lays down in a ball and can't get up.. That has no more energy to think...to function...to keep up with it all.. This is a kind of tired that gives up caring...that gives up This is the kind of tired that have sent many to end their own … Continue reading This Kind of Tired.
I love Homilies | Evil is socially legitimated before the individual dares, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-56ist-674c815
Over the course of my life, mostly as an adolescent but also a few times as an adult; I've had others think I was seeking attention. Whether it be from my loudness, hyperactiveness, complaining, sobbing at church..whatever And though some of those behaviors may stem from some subconscious need to be heard and seen; they … Continue reading Call it What You Must
Lord, I am tired of all the voices. All the he said she said. All the "opinions" and "facts". I still haven't a clue because the voices are so different. They cannot agree. They speak of only their differences from the other..why they are right..and they are wrong. There is no soundness..they all are confused. … Continue reading Within
We are all just a bunch of broken, f-d up people unwilling to change. So full of ourselves that we can't see the shit in us that needs weeded out..because we are too sure that our "enemy": republicans, democrats, men, women, gay, straight, Muslim, Hindu, Christian, that domination, his addiction, her greed, their lust, those … Continue reading My F-d up Mind. I’m the one that has blinded eyes!!!! It is I!!!!!
So sometimes I have these scenes I go through with me and Jesus. And today(read previous post) is one of those days. In these scenes I am with Him and usually talking or resting in this house (see other posts on this of mine). Today though we are in my house and also another room. … Continue reading Jesus and My Tantrum
I hate myself today..and other days. I feel like a contradiction. The person I want to be, the mask I want others to see...then in private I can be..this person I despise. I am a complaining mess. Raging. Tired..sleep deprived wreck. Can't keep up. Not with the Jones's..I have no desire to fulfill my life … Continue reading Life Today.
In comparing sins (the way people do) Theophrastus says that the ones commited out of desire are worse than the ones commited out of anger: which is good philosophy. The angry man seems to turn his back on reason out of a kind of pain and inner convulsion. But the man motivated by desire, who … Continue reading Meditations: Book Two: On the River Gran Among the Quadi: 10
For this New Year, I am going to try my darndest, to radically embrace the belief that Jesus IS who God is: in love, word, and deed. That He indeed came to correct our faulty notions of what Isreal and the rest of the world have imagined Him to be. I will also push myself … Continue reading New Year..New Jesus
I think we missed the mark when we made the mark to be striving for perfection; when it should be about being genuine: real to God, self, and others. We have created very good actors, but very shallow hearts. As long as societal deeds are met, the expectations of the church and others...we can go … Continue reading This Generation
What really started me on this road toward changing my mind about the way I viewed God, had a lot to do with how I treated other's, how I was treated, or how I seen other's treated. I found that I experienced a lot more compassion, patience, understanding, mercy..you name it; from those outside the … Continue reading I’d Rather Dine With Sinners.
I find that the less I make it about myself, the freer I become.
Where have we sent people? After getting pregnant, I remember running into someone I had known from the church system I had originally came to Christ in. This system is very legalistic. You do. Or you don't. I remember she asked me, was I going back to church? Was I attending somewhere? She was not … Continue reading Oh Faithful Church Folk.
I would say my biggest discouragement/hurt when it comes to battling mental illness(depression, anxiety, presumed BPD); has been getting others to understand or even believe me. Unlike physical ailments that can be more readily diagnosed and recognized by the layman; this stuff is not so. It cannot be X-rayed, tested, put in a petri dish, … Continue reading My Struggle with Mental Illness.
There is no excuse for mental illness Twisted, demented, stigma My whole life I've been mislabeled, fed RX's, drugged and numbed in attempts to fix it. There's no excuse for mental sickness God forbid you can't pick yourself up out of bed when the morning arrives..it's amazing enough you survived the cold of night..alive God … Continue reading There’s NO Excuse for Mental Illness
Oh how we take pride in ourselves! Our understanding, our wisdom, our achievements, our advancements..our own precepts...our own, our own, our very own ways of "knowing." The I am, we are; compared to them, they, he and she. The pride in separation!! The lies of..better than. The arrogance in the blame..the..this is mine..how dare they … Continue reading The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil
We build temples. We construct edifices, to get to God. To contain Him. To Know Him. To separate us, and keep us in. While God still is wanting to shake us awake.He thunders..He quakes..to get us to scatter abroad. To let Him go free, into the world...it's entirety. No, we object! We refuse and ellect..our … Continue reading Re-building Babel
I love Homilies | Third Sunday of Advent—Practical Christianity is just being Fully Human, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/media/share/dir-wka5d-53f9920
I've tried to make myself a leader, without first submitting as a follower: God makes leaders, our duty is to make ourselves followers. Humble yourself, God does the exalting. No man can lead, without first succeeding in following.
I've gotten better at apologising. It's not always been easy. But, it has gotten better. Something did hit me today concerning apologies though, and how I tend to go about them. There are many times I see the self centeredness in them. My apologies that is. I catch myself wanting to do it, because it … Continue reading Apologies
I have come to moan. To have a pitty party. May I? Why can't I be stronger? Why can't I handle life like other's? I have many reasons life is hard, but I see others in similar situations making it. Or more! Killing it! Single motherhood or maybe just life, has the best of me. … Continue reading Why Can’t I be Stonger?
Sometimes I sit and fret over the "what-if's?" Like now for instance; I'm pondering my mistakes and their consequences...wondering if I've messed up to the point of no return? That my propose has been thwarted..my future self- sabattoged. The things God was going to use me for, now too far out of reach. I have … Continue reading Derailed?
Why does it seem like sometimes it's easier to just throw money at someone, than step into their dark world and be? (The World may never know)
You ain't the only one with demons screaming..threatening your reason... You ain't the only one who holds on tight to sanity..trying to prove to the rest of humanity..that you too can overcome this "wicked man in me". You think I like to bring pain ..like it's my sick game..and I just can't wait to get … Continue reading My Own Demons
I love Son of a Preacher Man | Shame, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/media/share/dir-fh92v-5390a60
I remember my last stent of darkness. Sadly is has been a familiar friend most of my life. But, it don't stick around like it use to..when The Light is here. When Jesus is welcomed. But there are times, when day becomes night again. Joy appears to be swallowed in fear...shame...insecurity..sin...giving up..and giving in. Hello..I'm … Continue reading He Loves Your Ugly
I wish I could simply...run away like you. To close my eyes and ears to all my problems...to shut myself in...and be alone. But it's more complicated than that. Unlike you, I have more than just myself...depending on me. More than just myself..to feed, bathe, clothe, house, teach, meet needs...keep alive. I can't give up … Continue reading Free Me
Some don't understand why one would kill themselves. But I've felt that freedom that comes with the idea of losing yourself. It is like fresh air. Sometimes life is much more painful than the fear of death.
For the past half-decade and some, I've been trying to be it all. The very best I can. The example for Christ, the mother who understands, the friend who only sees the best in others, despite my thoughts telling me otherwise. The good sister, daughter, employee, citizen..you name it. I've been policing my every thought, … Continue reading F@*# It ALL..that’s how I feel today..and maybe I will tmrw too.
You don't need "them" to love you. You need Him to, and the good news is; He already does! The journey consists of seeing it.... Freedom is found in ever so slowly..beginning to believe in it.
Thanks for joining me! Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton