"When we see things in an intuitive way, in conscious union with the eyes of God, what we see is qualitatively different. Basically, it is no longer self-referential but very expansive seeing, and this changes everything.... Many see a supposedly good "new thing" but still in an old way, which is to say, with their … Continue reading Who is Doing the Seeing? →

https://youtu.be/aCZgUIGeoP0

"There is nothing as unbearable as someone doing something for you because they believe it is their duty. The sanctimony of it can make it intolerable. If you are too dutiful, you will die of its burden and people around you will die of bordom! If you have love for something, you do it; if … Continue reading Duty →

It troubles me that the church, or professing body of Christ, can “discern” correct doctrine; yet are so unable to discern the human condition. The need of another. The lost. Or the cost at that. I find Jesus above all else, so in-tune with people, He changes them so. He is able to perceive what … Continue reading Thinking Again →

I’ve found that the less I allow myself to consume; be it wants or cravings, things that numb me, things that guide me, the things that I can give my attention to.. The more I am at ease. And, the more I allow myself to have that is unnecessary, comes along with even more things … Continue reading The Shit →

lifehacker.com/recognize-phrases-that-sound-like-gaslighting-but-real-1847262388

A clean conscience makes a great heaven. You are what you eat, that shit can go in all directions. We reap and we sow, karma collectors..persons influenced by every suggestion. We are all our biggest projections, shit instilled..past subconscious recollections. Puzzle pieces of our each personal histories..tragedies and beautiful things... Shaped by all that's made … Continue reading Random Rhyme Time →

We wrestle with all the complexities found in mysteries, and avoid the clearest messages found in scroll. Why is this so?

I'm often so very full of myself; and likewise I despise my own self more than any other man/woman I know.

https://www.bruxy.com/discipleship/conspiracy-theories-aikido-jesus/

Why aren't we seeing more of Thee? Could it be that men prefer certainties over mysteries? Where are the sons having visions and daughters seeing dreams? Where is the, thou shall do more than me? Stuck in the building still searching for explanations, again discussing impossible equations..to the detriment of human beings. You’ll find them … Continue reading Signs and wonders →

We are much more comfortable distinguishing and performing the lesser evils, than we are the greater goods.

I'm an angry bitch, that's the most of it. Gotta watch my mouth, I like to complain and shit. It's been a long ass trip, Painfulness. Life that is. I can't explain it. My existence is half manic, but mostly sadness. It eats away at me, it ravages. I get up, only to fall again. … Continue reading I’m →

People like to look at ones life and judge it. Point out all the failures. Yet they don't know how many obstacles others have had to fight through, to simply make it through. They don't consider what could have been; if one just allowed themselves to succumb to all the past traumas and situations that … Continue reading People →

"...Francis's starting place was human suffering instead of human sinfulness, and God's identification with that suffering in Jesus. That did not put Him in conflict with any (Catholic) dogmas or strictures. His Christ was cosmic while deeply personal, his cathedral was creation itself, he preferred the bottom of society to the top. He invariably emphasized … Continue reading Wonderful! →

What is IN a word? That's what matters. Not how you understand or relate to a word. But rather,, what a person is trying to get across and convey with the word(s) they have chosen. Words are man made. Content is not. Don't confuse the word for the content and vice versa.

I often ponder and struggle with why people sort of take for granted the plethora of verses and admonitions found in The Bible concerning treating others right, giving to the poor, denying self, going out to the margins; And give so much more weight to the few (in contrast with the lessons of love and … Continue reading Thinking Again →

Wim Hof’s thoughts on psychedelics, coffee, and m…: https://youtu.be/IaBY1MYBh2o

I told myself I should start writing more positive or praise worthy things. To let everyone know I am a happy person too haha. I caught myself though; wanting to do it for approval. Something I have done my whole life: tried to conform for approval. No one's fault; but my own faulty thinking for … Continue reading I Write →

I don't have anything against people or individuals in general when it comes to my critique and attitude towards church stuff. My intentions are to point at an attitude or mentality, that can be found within the church's "mind" or life in general. Things that are so taken for granted, that they are not questioned. … Continue reading My attitudes on Church →

https://youtu.be/WJr9MEJWJXc

https://youtu.be/ktJUQn6R4K4

This is hard for me: Life. Trying to figure this all out, on my own. Juggling it. House, home, kids, discipline, instruction, yard work, homework, housework, car work, all work. I can’t keep up. My mind drives me nuts. Never shuts up. My attempts at getting anyone to comprehend it...my need for assistance. Whether it … Continue reading Today →

"Paul offers a wisdom not to Jews or pagans, but to both Jews AND pagans, whom he calls to see things through wisdom eyes. Conversion, therefore, is not joining a different group, but seeing with the eyes of the crucified. The cross is Paul's philosopher's stone or "code breaker" for any lasting spiritual liberation. God … Continue reading Wisdom and Salvation(still needs much revision friends). →

..You can't get there by arguing... But, I love to argue; I mean, I argue even with myself... You can't get there by arguing..

You can't just want the idea. The name. The "truth". The declaration. The tradition. You must want love, peace, and freedom for people. You must have a heart for.. People. Anything we say and do, can be good. But where it matters is; Is your heart being changed for people? Or are your ideas of … Continue reading Today →

https://youtu.be/-ZqIllgHnU8

As change makers, we have to desire to give people hope, freedom, joy; you know, Heaven on Earth stuff. Not our ideas and theories. Most of what you see is what you get: Peoples theories and teachings. Empty words do not create change in our world. They have to be living.

Life is patchwork; Not a single thread. But threaded together instead.

Who says solitude and even suffering are no good for us? But on the contrary; usually only then have I come face to face with the divine.

I have to remind myself, that we are all the same: Where it is meant to matter. None of us have asked to be born here. Whether under this flag or that. With this faith or the lack of one. With their parents and their own personal baggage. No one has chosen their birthplace, lineage, … Continue reading Today →

We focus a lot in our society on outer appearances. The impressions we make and how we appear to the world around us. And our inner world is not regarded as sacred anymore: Worth exploring, delving into, transforming, giving precedence to. Being aware of. What lies within, needs tended to, weeded out, made new. I … Continue reading Today →

Of course I don’t want to be a complaining, critical, cynical individual. Why shed tears forever and live in resentments chains and fetters; if I need not to? I am aware that peace, patience, kindness, goodness, life and light are the goals. Summed up in love. I’m working on it. This is me crawling there. … Continue reading Tonight →

If it is primarily the marginalized that are having problems with you; it may be time to re-examine your gospel.

People in the West, seem to have truly made their intellect god. Even our spiritually here is relatively that. We have lost touch. And made our ideas, theories, explanations, concepts...our spirituality. We have been taught not to trust our spirit. It is to be feared. We are caught up in word play, that’s all it … Continue reading The People’s Spirit. →

I’m no good on empty....

I feel guilty for wanting a break. My own space. Is it a necessity? I feel for me, it is so. That’s one thing I have not had in years and it was a daily thing for me: Solitude. Stillness. Silence. Time to listen, To nothing. Is it necessary? Some would say so. Don’t give … Continue reading Today →

In a world full of skeptics, contradictions and questions How do you navigate so many stories told by so many clever men? I know I've experienced both the evil and sacred, Both in the spiritual and physical I've sensed it. I can't always explain the shit, but I can never escape it. Like they say, … Continue reading In a World →

From our pulpits, preach service. And not just a here and there, food pantry, holiday fundraiser thing. Teach the laymen, teach the youth...service. Get out in the neighborhoods and find the elderly who need their yards worked on regularly. Find kids that need mentors. Seek out the lonely and lost. Find people in need. Learn … Continue reading Pulpits →

https://www.diyphotography.net/take-a-break-and-laugh-at-some-of-the-best-entries-of-2021-comedy-wildlife-photography-awards/

I'm tired of being the judge, judging. Me, myself, and I; and others... Wanting to know good from evil, and who is leaning toward which side and which isn't.. Myself included. I'm a hoping sinner, a repeat offender..hypocritical individual..I don't get it. I'm tired of being the thinker. The analyzer. I am tired of my … Continue reading Tired →

Whatever thing you are finding in someone else; be it charachter traits, "immoral" habits, pride, gossip, greed....any thing you claim or believe to see.... Choose to sit for a minute, and see it in yourself. Where does pride lie? Where does greed in any form or degree live in me? Because even a tiny seed, … Continue reading Whatever →

Don’t just fool with words... But, understand the message.

You can discern your creed from the next mans. Distinguishing precept upon precept. Dogma vs dogma. Yet you can’t discern with spiritual vision. Need VS want. Love VS hate. Real VS fake. You’re stuck in your heads and well equipped for arguments.. Yet you know not how to crucify the dark within your own heart, … Continue reading Your Sacrifices →

Maybe not everything and everyone, are meant to flow together. To sync. Vibe. Make melody. Now, I must learn not to judge why. Is it them, or I? Because typically, my ego is going to lean toward it not being I. I am not the problem. But, I very well could be. We are all … Continue reading The Flow →

When you love to write, live to read, and are the self-proclaimed word nerd... Then you gradually come to see.. Words can be so fruitless, empty, tempted to flipping, and can be twisted and manipulative. Filtered though our own heads, Used to wound ... hidden... Are ones intentions.. Words...they lack real essence. We fuck them … Continue reading Today →

God, many times I wonder how, if so, you could love and continue to pursue an often angry, contradictory, troubled soul as me. Thank you.

and into Your Heart. For so long I’ve been taught that I couldn’t trust my heart. That it was a dangerous thing. So I was taught to listen to what was understood. Man’s opinions and descriptions. Teachings and traditions. Knowdlege of…others commentary and prescriptions…of what was “true religion.” Only a few verses and lines to … Continue reading Get out of your head →

https://cac.org/category/daily-meditations/

You're already accepted; now time to accept(see, experience, claim, be revealed more) it. ~God

https://youtu.be/J1tI96l_WjI

God speaks to those who listen And "He" is not as concerned with the logistics, words, traditions, pronunciations, and so forth..like we are. Men are so consumed by it. They want to have rights to it all. Even the way to God( wisdom, knowledge, doctrine, saying, church, ect) He is more concerned with New Birth … Continue reading God →

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/09/well/mind/depression-parents-advice.html

https://youtu.be/msA8QV_iumk

https://youtu.be/UGgvgKE0n8o

Anxiety Is in Your Body, Not Your Mind | by Emma Pattee | Apr, 2021 | Elemental https://elemental.medium.com/anxiety-is-in-your-body-not-your-mind-93031abd14eb

https://youtu.be/TNQQIRKLPHs

podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/greg-boyd-apologies-explanations/id1121364768

https://youtu.be/3cc9shl3Wvs

Feeding the 5,000. What if the biggest miracle is in the principle of this story? Would it not be a miraculous thing, to see the hearts of men so transformed that they would take what they had; and in faith divide it amongst the "hungry" ripe on the vine, community in search of hope? That … Continue reading Miracles →

podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/greg-boyd-apologies-explanations/id1121364768

If we were to be a walking, talking, synoptic Gospel, what would that look like? Riddle me this.

Pay what you owe Don't buy what you want And give what is needed. Riddle me this

I felt like God was asking me to read today's devotional(it's actually my sons, and him and I randomly will read it here and there). And before I did so, I felt Him( whome I call God) ask me to hesitate. And He asked me(I felt so, not some audible voice) if I would actually … Continue reading Today →

https://www.wellandgood.com/stopping-obsessive-thoughts/amp/

https://youtu.be/OWT_i4x5XOQ

Why can you use Jesus as an example? For your beliefs and actions. To tell me to be kind and loving, gentle and meek? You tell me I am not Christ like.. my life, my speech. I get it, I'm not perfect, I'm working on it. He's working on me. But why can’t I use … Continue reading Today →

You’re religion taught me God is a monster; you gave me the law and the prophets and walked me not through the Gospels. Your example was that He surely does abandon, He is not as tolerant for my sobbing, and He can’t handle my pain...I am the problem... and it was up to me alone … Continue reading Retrospect →

Just as I have noticed the many things I was once critical of in others become manifested in my life: things I thought were "sinful and un-godly", evil, worldly you name it... I am also noticing the same things I have accused others of(religious systems in particular) not doing (Christ like service, giving, thinking, sacrifice, … Continue reading Today →

https://youtu.be/ykH8E9wTCcQ

Our discernment should be on what's right or wrong. Just or unjust. Merciful or merciless. Loving or hateful. Life Giving or Destructive. Selfless or Selfish. Humble or Prideful. Truthful or Misinterpreted. Intentional or Mistaken. Holy or Unholy. In whose best interest? Heaven on Earth or some other wickedness? Not some mind twisting, encrypted, one million … Continue reading Discernment →

To the man with all the flags in his yard that read: God-Trump-And Guns, Get rid of Joe and the Hoe, and Trump is my President and Jesus my Savior. Also, to my critics who critique me for being a critic of the church. For those that say the church is not perfect; well neither … Continue reading Why Don’t We Preach This? →

We want to be THE BODY of Christ when it implies gathering, studying, missions trips, spiritual experiences and outings... When it gives us a microphone, a voice, a purpose. A stage, a song, a personal reason. When it gives us a name, or the feeling of power and pride in our "goodness". Yet, we want … Continue reading Convenience →

https://aphilosophersstone.substack.com/p/sartre-the-power-of-living-in-good?r=h3hgr&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=email&utm_source=copy

https://youtu.be/d0AoRkmj9YM

Learn to not compare yourself with others. Or have the same expectations of others you place on yourself, and vice versa. People are born into all types of circumstances. And then, circumstances change throughout life. Our trajectory is dependent in a sense. One man may have been born into a more privileged circumstance for example. … Continue reading Today →

https://cac.org/how-difficult-it-is-to-see-clearly-2021-02-28/

I think I need to work on quitting smoking weed. I've learned throughout these last several fucked up years that God is there. Like there there. Anytime, anywhere. For us. All of us. Even those mf's we can't stand. He wants to be there. For us to know He really is OK with our mess. … Continue reading Drugs and Jesus(un-reread/draft). →

I get these instant panics Like armageddon's landed They say it's symptomatic You know, Post Tramatic Some type of stress, who'd imagine? I feel like am always running Inside mind, and nerves likewise Little firefly's, but the angry kind Worry worry fast and fury Racing Crazy Hate me Shame me Entangled in this spider's web … Continue reading Tonight →

God is more in the mundane than anything. The Everyday. The grey. More than He is in our minds where we are so intently trying to find and bind Him. Get rid of the screens, all the teachings, doctrines and theories...and breathe in... God again. Live amidst Him. Not in your ideas of Him.

Noticed how online shopping and just anything online or media wise in general can keep us hooked. It keeps us out of reality. Our focus off the present. It enables us to avoid things. It numbs us in a sense. Out of touch. Not always bad, but never enough.

The man beaten on the side of the road and stripped by thieves. Unable to get back up on feet. It took the Samaritan to see him. As the holy walked by to their holy city. They left him, unattended. Satan is called a thief, a destroyer; where are we in the lives of those … Continue reading →

https://youtu.be/hf9GZ36m37E

We're called to be like Jesus. And then we go digging into almost everything in our beloved Scriptures, but the life of Jesus Himself. We are stuck in the laws and regulations. The ends and outs. The bells and whistles; and I don't see much of the four Gospels...Jesus's life on Earth and the example … Continue reading Like Who? →

I sit here at almost 37, wishing I had a father to talk to. Crying over it like I lost something. I put fragments together of the father figures I've had throughout my and imagine how they would guide me now? What wisdom they would give? What tone of voice they would have, what direction … Continue reading Just thinking of my situation and how to see it to help the next generations coming. →

Most the time, I am arguing with my own self. My own mind. Whether it's the weather I'm complaining about, or another...within or spoken. It is only my own thoughts and conclusions of the other. The feelings and assumptions..I own them. Or maybe they own me? Even my closet and dearest I see through a … Continue reading Most the Time →

I wonder if there are still any significant lessons to be found when it comes to the Jews(supposed chosen image bearers of God) not accepting a crucified Messiah, The Temple being destroyed, and God sending the Good News out to the Gentiles? God giving His promise that was meant for the Jews, to the ones … Continue reading Just thinking( draft) →

I've been questioning how real my love within really is? How Christ like, that is. Because more often that not, I find time and again...a forcing it. As if my sorries and apologies are nothing more than my own attempts to find forgiveness...for myself. A law like system in my mind I sense it. Or … Continue reading Today →

I want to apologize for anyone I did hurt during the last several years. I have been a hot mess. I never would have expected to get such bad depression. (But with my history of it, maybe I should have). I never knew those types of nights were possible again, and esp to that extent. … Continue reading Today →

Having horrible anxiety and smoking weed in attempts to fix it. I felt asked if it helped? To some extent. It makes it all more tolerable. This kind of anxiety is a painful thing. And that pain stayed, regardless of the lifting. But, there are other negative physical aspects it seems to suppress. Maybe slows … Continue reading Today (unedited). →

"I learned from poor and homeless organizers, when I was without health care and adequate housing, that poor people are not sinners-but poverty is a sin"......"Why do we worship a homeless person on Sunday and ignore one on Monday?" ~ Liz Theoharis Expert from Sojourners magazine March 2021 page 7.

https://youtu.be/FPAeJrpmZM4

I began to lost heart, when I seen all that they invested in. Good times, comfort first. Dazzeling lights. Emotions high. Towers built, to the sky. Make it huge! Make it a sight! And they all get to go home; home to typically unbroken things. Light bills paid, good insurance, kids given more than they … Continue reading It Began →

https://youtu.be/cgf5Lkee8SQ

https://youtu.be/15CGKy3R4Es

There comes a point, or multiple points in ones life; where we must decide if we want heaven or hell. And not in the traditional sense. But, the deeper, possibly truest since. In the now. You know, here on earth. We surely choose our own heavens and hells. Every seed does produce after it's own … Continue reading Heaven or Hell →

Me just putting my thoughts on paper. Anxiety: We were surrounded by stimulants. Noises all around. Screens. Information. Advertisements. Voices. I wonder if we are biologically able to handle this and remain stress free? Or are we unconsciously trying to keep up, gather, process so much shit that we are harming ourselves? What kind of … Continue reading American Anxiety →

“We really wanted to make sure there was a service component to this,” Ms. Grose said. “Because there are a lot of stories about what the problem is and not a lot of solution-driven content.” https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/06/insider/primal-scream-section.html

"Ironically, one of the few things I can say I truly know is that not-knowing and often not even needing to know is—surprise of surprises—a deeper way of knowing and a deeper falling into compassion. This is surely what the mystics mean by “death” and why they talk of it with so many metaphors. It is the essential transitioning."~Richard … Continue reading Dose →

It really has been bothering me, the Nationalism..mixed with Jesus and all that He was meant to represent. How history is so suitably fit..to those in controls best interest. People defend certain flags...declarations written by old ass men. We say historically such and such..and this and that..to defend our resentments and belief systems. We call … Continue reading →

Don't be assured that every message is palatable like sugar and spice. For many times it's conflicting, it gets to ya..it ain't always "right"(in feeling). But like earthen, imperfect vessels, that crack, leak, that need set right.. They may show forth their frame..from dust from clay..mud ..washed away. God breathes spirit..this part is life. Listen … Continue reading Don’t Shoot the Messenger lol →

Anytime I felt a resistance to listening, because it was in opposition to my own thoughts and feelings... Was when I ultimately should have let that ache, irk, pride, and bias die. Now I find more truth in their words, and it took more time and hurt to get me here. *This is in regards … Continue reading Reflecting →

You're much more a better friend, than they told me you were. You're much more a bigger confidant, than I thought before. Unholy they told me, religious feigning to be you're only resting place. You like what's broken though you told me, while you rocked me while you hold me. You get the conflict within … Continue reading Today(draft) →

With God, all things are possible. Not so with men. Our minds bend and twist. We make universes out of fragments, We name, we box in. We are the Kings. We are with sin. We don't look at it, Justify, justify, justify it. No crucify, crucify, crucifying. Unless it's them, it's always them, they are … Continue reading Today →

https://youtu.be/fcudKSvH058

https://youtu.be/f-ZaBPnGJVY

https://cac.org/my-story-2021-01-25/

I will always hear someone's words through my own interpretations of those words. The words are the shell, not the essence. The carrier of a message, not the complete message. We have to get beyond our own languages, and be insistent on learning the language of another. Soul language. What they really are trying to … Continue reading Pondering Kite Status →

Do many of us, if not the majority in our culture, resist the next cycles of life? Does the way we hold so tightly to youth, beauty, being desired, being relevant..speak of our spiritual deprivation? Is it misunderstanding of what it all represents and symbolizes? Death, rebirth, karma, resurrection. We want to stay in the … Continue reading Pondering/Karma/symbolism/Rebirth →

Something running across my soul a lot lately is the idea of showing grace toward the other, the "enemy" of my ego and pride in particular and more "judgment" towards myself. Not judgment as we might be use to understanding it; but rather just looking at myself, and honestly working soley on myself. In thought … Continue reading Themes →

https://youtu.be/4LO1RtI3tk8

https://youtu.be/zulKcYItKIA

I'm not good at life

Unlike Jesus, we are usually much more concerned with how people get "saved", than if they get there... We are much more dedicated to gaining the wisdom and experience of becoming the healers and elders, than we are dedicated to those in need of healing and leaders. We want a specific formula, enough prayer and … Continue reading Today →

I'm so tired, so worn out Nothing slows down for me I get no recess No Sabbath in sight. I cannot find. Stress will be the death of me, if not me.

This makes me want to cry!! Lol, remember emotional dysregulation. But, just thinking of how I've always been told to control myself, or considered to be too much, wanting attention. I've always sort of wrestled inside, because many have said things concerning my behavior or actions, or assumed things about them... and I've always felt … Continue reading Watch “Neural basis for symptoms of emotion dysregulation in people with BPD” on YouTube →

I see The Creator, God, as looking a lot more like Jesus than we've made "him" out to be. A lot more, in that he is not as interested in how people are made whole, as long as they are made whole. Not as consumed with the loop holes and right sayings and thinking (man … Continue reading I See God →

We are all living in judgement; and we are the judges, judging.

https://youtu.be/0VzbaG1rodA

May I be honest with you? ...I'm just trying to whether this storm. Maybe I shall stop kicking and wailing so frantically, so alarmingly? Maybe I shall let this beat however it desires against me? Grasping for air wildly Hoping to breathe Let it cover me, sink me, carry me, move me... There comes this … Continue reading Today →

https://youtu.be/glKe9njOB24

Advocating for your own mental health in a world of stigma and misunderstanding can be tiring, taxing, and seem so pointless at times. Don't give up. Keep fighting. People will have their many opinions and ideas. Some will give up fighting for you and beside you. It's OK. They don't get it. If they can't … Continue reading Today →

"The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge." ~ Carl Jung

I am in that house again. The one Jesus is at. I am at the table. This time I have my head down on the table and I am pulling my hair and then punching myself in the face over and over. I'm sure this is just my own imagination. Symbolic of how much I … Continue reading Today →

What are the challenges and difficulties that the poor, widow, and fatherless faced, that would cause God to repeatedly remind Israel, and then as Jesus did in His ministry; to consider their well being in particular?

I want to be free from these pains that keep me from being a loving, kind, hopeful person.

https://youtu.be/nEX-9exMc1A

I am finding it difficult trying to persuade myself that my mind is the problem. That I can’t trust my own view of things.

I'm listening to The BadChristian Podcast | #534 Republican Jesus on Podbean, check it out! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-ecsnf-b2b9add

I have to accept that I am a “sinner”. A broken man In need of more than I can perform by my human hands I have to be OK with this wretched man; not to want to stay the same...but to understand His pains and aches and all that quakes His rage and shame and … Continue reading Today →

https://youtu.be/3EGIlQyEwvE

I don’t seem to even fight thoughts of dying anymore I welcome it I want it

Why would anyone consider suicide? For me, it was always about the relentless feeling inside. I've described it as best as I can in other posts. But, to keep it brief it is like a tormenting feeling inside of you. That makes you want to do anything to escape it. As I've gotten older, other … Continue reading Today →

I think there are deep seated truths to my critiques of the church and it’s people. I just might not go about it all the right way. It’s not resentment; but a feeling of profound confusion from seeing what poverty and struggle is like first hand, and seeing how people respond to it.

Depression is not your ordinary melancholy sadness. It is far more long lasting. Far more debilitating and far more painful than a mood or attitude problem. It steals lives. And the lives of those connected to its oppressed. It is much deeper. It is profound sorrow. People don’t understand why many would choose death over … Continue reading Clinical Depression →

I need stillness, I need quite, I need silence to get by....and I seldom ever get this So much shit All around me It don’t quit I can’t handle too many noises.... what is it, I don’t get it I need limits I tried to fix this I went everywhere and to everyone imaginable in … Continue reading Today →

Unfortunately, most my holidays are spent having flashbacks and being nervous for the present ones. Mine have been known to be filled with arguing, drunkenness, not eating because everyone fought too much before the food was done, and the ever present fear of shit escalating and pistols once again being pointed at heads. It’s always … Continue reading Holiday PTSD →