Category: Writer, Writing, Journaling

Just thinking of my situation and how to see it to help the next generations coming.

I sit here at almost 37, wishing I had a father to talk to. Crying over it like I lost something. I put fragments together of the father figures I've had throughout my and imagine how they would guide me now? What wisdom they would give? What tone of voice they would have, what direction … Continue reading Just thinking of my situation and how to see it to help the next generations coming. →

Don’t shoot the messenger lol (draft)

Don't be assured that every message is palatable like sugar and spice. For many times it's conflicting, it gets to ya..it ain't always "right"(in feeling). But like earthen, imperfect vessels, that crack, leak, that need set right.. They may show forth their frame..from dust from clay..mud ..washed away. God breathes spirit..this part is life. Listen … Continue reading Don’t shoot the messenger lol (draft) →

Context and Reality

"Any interpretation of a biblical text that would not have made any sense to the author of the text and to his original, intended audience should be roundly rejected,” he stated.(YEEEEESSSS clears throat)   According to Harlow, the mark of the beast is a symbol of the Roman empire’s oppressive political, social and religious system. The … Continue reading Context and Reality →

Pondering/Karma/symbolism/Rebirth

Do many of us, if not the majority in our culture, resist the next cycles of life? Does the way we hold so tightly to youth, beauty, being desired, being relevant..speak of our spiritual deprivation? Is it misunderstanding of what it all represents and symbolizes? Death, rebirth, karma, resurrection. We want to stay in the … Continue reading Pondering/Karma/symbolism/Rebirth →

Watch “Neural basis for symptoms of emotion dysregulation in people with BPD” on YouTube

This makes me want to cry!! Lol, remember emotional dysregulation. But, just thinking of how I've always been told to control myself, or considered to be too much, wanting attention. I've always sort of wrestled inside, because many have said things concerning my behavior or actions, or assumed things about them... and I've always felt … Continue reading Watch “Neural basis for symptoms of emotion dysregulation in people with BPD” on YouTube →

The Shadow

"The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge." ~ Carl Jung

Abortion and Kingdom People, excerpt by Greg Boyd.

The Uniquely Kingdom Approach to Abortion The unique Kingdom approach to abortion doesn’t focus on figuring out the “right” political solution, getting “the right” candidates into office or getting the “right” bills passed. As with everything else about the Kingdom, it rather focuses on manifesting the self-sacrificial love of God towards women with unwanted pregnancies … Continue reading Abortion and Kingdom People, excerpt by Greg Boyd. →

I’ve Told you Before, I Don’t Know What it is, So you Title It.

Enter at your own risk, I'm lost in thought and have no script I think a lot, I'm prone to fits I've been fucked up, still at 36 I feel like Rogue, that X-Men chic I have to watch who I touch, who I open up with I mean well, but my mind is a … Continue reading I’ve Told you Before, I Don’t Know What it is, So you Title It. →

Jesus

That's where I want you to be; unsure-yet still trusting me. Having tasted enough, to know... Yet not needing to know... Just knowing, that I Am. And, you are. Knowing, I am More than you need, and always enough.. Not needing certainty of mind...but honesty of heart.. I Am here and there, always. Let your … Continue reading Jesus →

Today: Heaven is…(need to edit still)

The Kingdom of Heaven, starts with YOU. You see, that mustard seed, that grain of wheat..is YOU. We want to see the harvest. We want to see the progress. We want to reach the masses, not realizing..death is in letting go..of all those expectations and ego boosters. That seed(beginning/new way/new life) is first buried. Unseen. … Continue reading Today: Heaven is…(need to edit still) →

Reincarnate it..or Put an End to it

No one's to blame. It's a cycle. A cycle of brokenness. Sin is it. The enemy to us. Not another. The way to conquer sin, is through love. The power of self-sacrificial, self-denying, all accepting, adopting, unrelenting, merciful love. Christ like love. Laying down myself for someone else. I can't change the world. At least … Continue reading Reincarnate it..or Put an End to it →

The First Will Be Last 🤔

One good reason death to self, being last, self-sacrifice, and carrying ones cross; can all be symbolized by crucifixion..is because crucifixion is to the body, what self denial is to the ego. We will do anything before choosing to crush/insult ego. It is the most "excruciating" thing. We will even firmly believe our own reasonings … Continue reading The First Will Be Last 🤔 →

The Right Thing is….

All that we need to do, is the RIGHT thing. Not fight to avoid the sinful things, and adhere to all the religious ones. But, quite oneself and be willing to ask what the right thing is, in any given circumstance, situation, or season. All have been given an answer. Our inner voice/soul/connection to God. … Continue reading The Right Thing is…. →

What is Your Cross?

When we look at the crux of the Gospel and what Jesus taught we can see how it is profoundly simple, yet challenging. To just love. Have we taught that? Learned that? If it’s not all about the “law”, but love, what does that look and sound like? And how are we acting on law, … Continue reading What is Your Cross? →

Consider Who… Yeah You. 🙋🏻‍♀️

The only time we should consider others, is to ask ourselves, “will it help them or hurt them?” This is the one single time we should allow others into our headspace. Other than that, I do not see any purpose or justification. For what is all other consideration and contemplating of another’s life, if it’s … Continue reading Consider Who… Yeah You. 🙋🏻‍♀️ →

BE ? Who are You and How?

You are what you eat , fuel and feed. Watch what you speak and consider how you see. Tis true, mind what you sow; every tiny, little seed. It all reproduces..be it green trees or tangled weeds Flowing rivers or dried up streams. Some give life, some cause death. It takes residence in your heart, … Continue reading BE ? Who are You and How? →

Life, Light and Love.

Does it give life? Restore? Heal? Protect? Shed warm, revealing, gentle light? Are the followers of any particular path fostering life, light, and love? Are they moving more and more towards it? Are they at peace, is it easy to be in their presence? What do their words and lifestyles speak of? Are they moving … Continue reading Life, Light and Love. →

Embrace You. The REAL You. And Love it Enough to Let Others, Even Haters Know it too. 😜🤔🤓🤐🤡😈😇🤣😬😬😬😬💁

I'm learning to not mind being as authentic as possible. As a gift to myself if anything. Being true to myself, my reality. Why lie to the crowd? Why be someone else or pretend I am keeping up with the Jane's and Jones's, when I'm really a hot mess? Why does wearing a painted mask … Continue reading Embrace You. The REAL You. And Love it Enough to Let Others, Even Haters Know it too. 😜🤔🤓🤐🤡😈😇🤣😬😬😬😬💁 →

Vision Of Surrender.

Blue sky, few clouds. Ocean far, ocean wide, no shores to be found. On my back, arms and legs stretched way out. Floating upon calm waves..rocking me to hushed sleep...above these deep seas. Nothing in my power. All is well. I let go. I surrender to this river. Arms stretched..legs out...face to the sky. I … Continue reading Vision Of Surrender. →

To Zoloft or Not to Zoloft?

I have been on generic Zoloft now since getting prego. If one has read any of my previous posts, they might have seen how life has been like hell for me, both mentally and emotionally. I have always struggled with depression and anxiety, but the anxiety has been so intense it almost borderlines psychosis. To … Continue reading To Zoloft or Not to Zoloft? →

Gang Banging in the Pews.

I see in myself this same pattern one finds when teens choose gangs. That longing for belonging, leadership, purpose. When the family unit does not seem to give what is needed or presumed needed, one ventures off to find it elsewhere. And though that elsewhere may not be healthy, the feeling of belonging and significance … Continue reading Gang Banging in the Pews. →

I don’t Know What This Is

God, often I wonder what you think of me, Cuz I know what I think of me. And lately I've been fighting, some demons and it's frightening. Too much thinking in the night time, in the morning nothing looks right. Legendary Abstract Who's to say? She's all that! Broken homes, too many fights Booze and … Continue reading I don’t Know What This Is →

Does God Want us Whole or Adherents?

As I sat here praying, I asked God what He felt about my interest in other spiritual leaders. Some of whom my old self would have considered heretical or wolves in sheep's clothing. Was it dangerous to my soul? Am I being led astray, along a winding path toward hell? Or is there also truth, … Continue reading Does God Want us Whole or Adherents? →

Consume

"Whatever the field of physical or moral sciences you deal with, you will be given no rest by the mass of things to be learnt or investigated. And to enable matters of this range and scale to find unrestricted hospitality in our minds, everything superfluous must be turned out. Virtue(for example), will not bring herself … Continue reading Consume →

👀Awake Oh Sleeper!

I will say this, all the wrong attidudes and things I've condemned in others: greed, self-centeredness, gossip, accusations, pride, hypocrisy, lusts, materialism, comparison..you name it; I've likewise found in me. They may not manifest in the same ways or they might vary in degrees..but at their core, they are of the SAME spirit.

Karma Sowing Seed

I've come along way from where I was, and I'm still very much undone. One of the many lessons I've been experiencing over the last few years, is the principle of sowing and reaping, or what some call karma. And I have found it very much alive and well! The unexpected thing I've found though, … Continue reading Karma Sowing Seed →

Just a Little Late Night Rhyming ( My feelings on keeping up with the Janes and Jones)

If I wanted all of that..best believe I'd make it happen If I needed that ...cash is what I'd be after You see it's not poverty or depravity that has a hold on me But I'm after something that transcends all that's relevant to these earthly chics I need a little more depth to my … Continue reading Just a Little Late Night Rhyming ( My feelings on keeping up with the Janes and Jones) →

9-20-2019

Will you love me in my brokenness When I have nothing else to give but these moments in... Conversations and contemplation...about what life is.. All I have is.... Me Be-ing That's all I can give Here I am One in a million.. Not like them... Very different Up up away....earth bound...hell no No limits All … Continue reading 9-20-2019 →

Considering My Ailments lol

I can't really put into words what anxiety and depression(whatever really inflicts me) are like. Torment is close. An agitation deep within..like being poked with a pointy finger over and over again...but beneath your chest..where ones emotions rest... Or a pingpong ball pinging rapidly throughout me. Bouncing off one side, to the next..this way and … Continue reading Considering My Ailments lol →

My God

If there is one thing I can say with full conscience confidence.. Is that I have saught You diligently. Like the Hound Of Heaven in my own sense..I've been in pursuit of You.. I have been discouraged, but never forsaken. I've been mistaken, but You never have left me. I may have been blinded, but … Continue reading My God →

High Times. Unconscious Rhyming

Can I lose my mind for some time? What if I lost all self-control for a bit? What would you think of ya chic? If I decided to get real legit..100..per cent..I don't think they ready for this See they ain't neva considered this kind of sublime...it's so unlike...all they've ever witnessed.. Lost minds.. They … Continue reading High Times. Unconscious Rhyming →

Just My Thoughts

I'm so tired, I have no energy. I'm so drained from lack of good sleep, yet my running mind won't allow it..sleep. Even the prescribed meds fail me. For the most part. They have offered some help..better than I was. My thyroid is all out of whack again. This makes me feel constantly sickly. So … Continue reading Just My Thoughts →

……

I don't understand how people think that those with depression are suppose to just be OK? Just pull themselves up and out of it, as if it's simple. As if it's brought on by self. I wish I could pop a magic pill, say a certain prayer and I would be your kind of "normal." … Continue reading …… →

World: Asking Me..for More than I have to give.

I'm so tired of all these voices(nouns), asking something of me. I have nothing to give, be gone from me. I go to seek rest..and you come looking for me. There is no where to hide, here you come expecting more from me. I attempt to muffle your cries, but there is no smothering thee. … Continue reading World: Asking Me..for More than I have to give. →